Floating through Chicago Pride

I didn’t really know anybody by the time the first pride parade happened soon after I moved to Chicago. So I went by myself to watch it. And, standing among thousands and thousands of cheering, smiling, happy, proud people who were watching with groups of friends and waving at other friends who squeezed by on the crowded sidewalks, I never felt more alone.

 
It was actually so devastating in my mind that pride weekend literally filled me with dread for the next 15 years I lived in Chicago.

I did notice that first year that the people dancing and waving on the floats looked very happy—and they didn’t have to be surrounded by friends or even anybody as they enjoyed the parade from their glorified perches. So I made up my mind that I needed to make the connections to get myself on a float by the next pride parade.

 
As I slowly—finally!—made Chicago friends and watched the next few parades with them, I still harbored an irrational, unshakable dread that I’d lose them—or they’d actually leave me—and I’d be alone all over again in the crowds. So I kept trying to figure out how to get myself on a float.

 

Then I joined the Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus. And we marched in the parade! But not on a float. And I very very stupidly decided to wear my rollerblades and they hurt and I was bad at stopping so I kept running into people and I was so miserable I had to hobble home the moment it was over so I couldn’t hang out and celebrate with anyone afterward so as far as I’m concerned the whole experience didn’t count and I don’t want to talk about it.

 
Then! Finally! I got on a float! And let me tell you: Though standing in a Speedo sucking in your abs and holding on for dear life on a lurching, frequently stopping vehicle technically sucks all the fun out of it, having hundreds of millions (in my fantasies my math says I have hundreds of millions of adoring fans so shut up) of people screaming and cheering for you is ALMOST as awesome as dancing and waving high on a moving platform where the cooling breezes are plenty, the jostling crowds are penned up on the sidewalks below you and the scenery changes by the second to keep everything interesting.
Plus you get to dance to your favorite disco hits.

 
I got myself onto many more floats for the rest of my years in Chicago. The weather was always perfect, my cheering, adoring fans swelled into the billions (shut up), and the joy and pride were always plenty. And my irrational dread—though never gone—was always in check.

 
This weekend is Chicago’s Pride parade. My Facebook and Instagram feeds are already filled with joyful, excited, rainbow-colored pictures of my Chicago friends and acquaintances already celebrating, and while I’m thrilled and proud to have (eventually) been a part of those traditions, our dramatically more subdued Cedar Rapids Pride festivals are now WAY more my speed. And not my Speedo.

 
So I wish all of you celebrating Pride in Chicago and everywhere else—whether on the sidewalks or on a float—an awesome day and an awesome experience both personally and with everyone around you. I’ll be folding laundry and digging in my garden and tackling DIY projects and running whatever miles my knees will allow in a vain attempt to not stray too far from my underwear-on-a-float body.

So happy Pride to all of us!

Pride 101: Protester hate

Virtually every pride parade and public LGBTQ event draws a crowd of hate-filled, mouth-frothing religious bigots carrying massive-lettered, professionally printed signs (that always use the playground word “homos,” always say we deserve AIDS and ALWAYS obsess about gay sex) and screaming at us with bullhorns, trying to goad us into physical fights so they can videotape them and whimper to the police and public about the cruel persecution they endure just for violently perverting their First Amendment rights.

At bigger events like the Chicago Pride Parade, they're walled off in pens like the rabid swine they are at the end of the routes where they're more of a nuisance than a violence-inciting threat—and so they can ruin the joys and kill the highs that people in the parades have experienced and inspired along the routes. But at smaller events like the Cedar Rapids Pride Fest, they wander freely in much smaller numbers at the perimeters, hauling massive signs as if they were crosses, yelling into bullhorns and goading us from afar so they can run like the cowards they are if they feel outnumbered and/or want to stoke their wannabe persecution complexes.

 
(Cisgender straight people: Raise your hands if you’ve ever endured any of this for being affectionate in public, having wedding photos taken outdoors, being seen with your kids or just basically existing.)

But despite these relentless, organized, violence-inciting attacks, LGBTQ people and our allies keep showing up to our Pride events, not letting the bigots’ cruel, puerile, relentless harassment undermine our celebration of who we are and how far we've come.

THIS IS WHY WE CALL IT PRIDE.

Pride 101: Supreme Court Employment Protection

Four years ago today, the Supreme Court ruling protecting gay and transgender workers from job discrimination and outright firings kicked the right-wing propaganda machine into high gear as it blustered predictably on and on about about “activist judges,” “religious liberty” (note: “liberty” is a right-wing dogwhistle that translates to “legal protection for hating LGBTQ+ people”) and the especially-laughable-in-the-context-of-its-adultrous-presidential-administration chestnut “family values.”

Right on cue, people like the homosexuality-obsessed Franklin Graham called the ruling “a very sad day” because he’d be “forced to hire” filthy gay and transgender people—and he cloaked his lust for hatred and discrimination as “a traditional Christian ethic” with the clear subtext that he and his brand of Christian cover story hold the monopoly on ethics and morality in this or any other discussion that fires up his mouth-frothing base.

But the fight is far from over. The May 2022 leaked draft of a Supreme Court ruling that would overturn Roe v. Wade left room for the conservative-majority Supreme Court to overturn its 2015 ruling in favor of marriage equality. And when Roe v. Wade was (as predicted) overturned in June 2022, Democrats in Congress had to pre-emptively write and negotiate to pass with Republicans the Respect for Marriage Act, which codified protection of same-sex marriages into law so the Supreme Court couldn't touch it.

Imagine being such a shitty Supreme Court that the President and Congress had to make laws to protect its citizens from you.

Cisgender heterosexuals: Have you ever needed a Supreme Court ruling to protect you from being fired just for going to work? Have you ever felt threatened enough that you had to lie about yourself and your relationships just to keep your job? That’s how bad things still were for gay and transgender people in 2020, more than half a century after the Stonewall Riots that sparked our collective demands for equality, justice and our right to live in peace.

It’s why we still have to carry the campaign and continue the fight and rely on your support and advocacy in our struggle TO THIS DAY to achieve basic, foundational equality so we can hopefully just exist without fear from repercussions incited by so-called moral leaders like Franklin Graham. He and his ilk are stubbornly not going away, but as the 2020 ruling shows, we keep making incremental progress toward maybe one day being able to live our lives free from their manufactured hatred and fear—and the destruction it causes in our lives.


THIS IS WHY WE CALL IT PRIDE.

CedaRound: The Drowning

Though I was living in Chicago at the time, I was in Cedar Rapids 16 years ago today to visit my folks for their June 14 anniversary. My boyfriend at the time and I had heard stories of looming flooding, and even though the rains and the swollen rivers diverted us north from highway 30 at Mt. Vernon and sent us into Cedar Rapids on Mt. Vernon Road, we still never believed Cedar Rapids could have serious flooding. I mean, it's CEDAR RAPIDS. I grew up here. How could anything bad happen?

By the time we finally got to my folks' house late on the 13th though, the flooding had become serious enough that the city's last intact water pumping station was in such danger of being breached that the urgent call went out on the news for volunteers to sandbag it. Though we'd had a 5-hour drive, we wanted to go out and help, but by the time we had a quick bathroom break before heading for the door, the news announced that they'd already gotten all the sandbaggers they needed. Which was a clear harbinger of the resilience our city would soon show. But at the time it was dark and late and we were 32 blocks from the river so all we could do was go to bed and wait.

The next morning, the footage on the news was devastating. The river had crested at 31.12 feet—19 feet over flood stage—and our entire downtown was drowning, as were 1,300 blocks of the city on either side of the river. Office buildings and banks and stores and my beloved theaters were almost up to the tops of their doors in water. All three bridges that cross May's Island to connect the east and west sides of the city were completely submerged. The Time Check and Czech Village neighborhoods were annihilated, with many houses underwater to their roof lines. The highly elevated I-380 was the only way to get across town, though all of the entrance and exit ramps in the flood zone were submerged. We—like seemingly everyone else in the city—drove slowly along the highway and peered out our windows to survey the devastation as the flood waters rippled mere feet beneath us.

As the water slowly receded, the city reeled over the destruction of homes, the closing of businesses, the undermining of infrastructure ... but never the loss of spirit. The city leaped almost immediately into action to tear down what was unsalvageable, repair what was repairable, clean up what was messy and dangerous, reimagine new life and purpose for what was destroyed, and start to recover and relocate and rebuild ourselves into a newer and better and more thoughtfully redesigned shining city on the river. We now have our vibrant and ever-expanding NewBo district and its neighboring Czech Village restoration, we've literally picked up and moved an entire museum to higher ground, we've creatively and beautifully incorporated new levees and berms into inviting public spaces, we've used the opportunity to upgrade and restore historic buildings, we've turned our once-desolate-after-5:00 downtown into a destination area bustling with restaurants and entertainment (well, before covid hit—but it bounced back as soon as returning was safe) ... and we've salvaged and restored and improved and polished up my beloved Paramount and Iowa (home of Theatre Cedar Rapids) theaters.

The flood was awful and heartwrenching and devastating. Many businesses never recovered. Many homes and families and lives have been forever changed. And our renaissance is perpetually ongoing and far from complete; in the last decade-plus, we've brought to life a towering modern addition to the stately Chicago-school American Building, built an expanding Habitrail of downtown skywalks, converted all the downtown one-way streets into two-way to feel more like friendly streets than impersonal expressways, incorporated towering, visually referential berms into the natural features along the river lowlands, and built many massive, architecturally interesting mixed-use buildings in the vibrantly revitalized Kingston Village neighborhood.

There was one sliver lining linking the 2008 flood that destroyed the center of the city to the 2020 land-hurricane derecho that destroyed enormous amounts of the entire city: The blocks and blocks of still-empty land in what was left of the flood-destroyed Time Check neighborhood became the primary dumping ground for the thousands and thousands of derecho-felled trees that the city slowly hauled away from everyone's property. It was centrally located, it offered a LOT of land and it made a mighty monument to the destruction the city endured. Driving by it was both breathtaking and heartbreaking. But also reassuring in that it provided a useful place for the city to dump the trees it collected and get back out to collect more as efficiently as possible.

Aside from the before-and-after photos of my dad's office, where he thought two levels of concrete blocks would protect his antique roll-top desk from the floodwaters that eventually submerged his entire office past its ceiling, the pictures I'm posting here aren't mine. But they show the depth and breadth of the destruction we all faced and make a great reminder of how amazingly far we have come in the last ten years.

So happy floodiversary, Cedar Rapids! May we keep our recovery and flood-protection development speeding along forevermore. (And don't forget to wish my folks a happy 60th anniversary tomorrow.)

Third Street looking south from First Avenue. You can see the old Theatre Cedar Rapids marquee on the left.

Theatre Cedar Rapids. All the First Avenue storefronts on the left were shut down after the flood, and the space became the awesome new Linge Lounge.

Dad’s office—and beautiful oak roll-top desk—before and after the flood. The desk was unsalvageable, and everything in it got ripped out and carried away by the floodwaters.

1,300 blocks on both sides of the river were submerged—some under more than 10 feet of water.

Those ghostly lines in the water are the totally submerged bridges that cross May’s Island as they connect the east and west sides of the city.

That’s normally-high-in-the-sky I-380 snaking through downtown with floodwater submerging its ramps and lapping at its floors.

The massive crown-jewel National Czech & Slovak Museum & Library building on the lower right was actually lifted and relocated to higher ground after the flood.


We parked this string of train cars on this essential train bridge before the flood to weigh it down so the floodwaters wouldn’t wash it away.


We parked this string of train cars on this essential train bridge before the flood to weigh it down so the floodwaters wouldn’t wash it away.


Entire neighborhoods. Families’ lives. Wiped out. No words.


The floodwaters floated the Mighty Wurlitzer organ console two stories from the bottom of the Paramount Theater orchestra pit to above the stage, where they dumped it like a dirty carcass.

Pride 101: Straight Pride

The right-wing privileged majority loves to claim oppression when any minority inches toward achieving any level of equality.

Read any right-wing social-media feed (or don’t—not reading right-wing social media is truly self-care) and you’ll see manufactured outrage claiming that [these are all things I’ve repeatedly seen and no doubt there’s a lot more]: 1) white people have completely disappeared from advertising, 2) it’s soon going to be illegal to be straight, 3) the Left claims to be tolerant but it’s sure not tolerant of oppressive, discriminatory beliefs, 4) when is it going to be White History Month? 5) there’s an entire Pride month but we don’t have any days or months celebrating our soldiers [you’d think people who pretend to respect the military would know that November 11 is Veterans’ Day, May is Military Appreciation Month and Memorial Day honors fallen soldiers], and this perennial flavor of the month: 6) why isn’t there a Straight Pride month/day/parade?

Here’s my short, all-purpose response to people demanding some sort of Straight Pride nonsense (and feel free to copy, edit and paste it everywhere you deem necessary): “If it’s so important to you, make it happen instead of whining about it deep in the comments under an obscure Facebook post. The gays figured it out. Why can’t you?”

And if someone responds with more whining about a fear of woke backlash, say this: “You sure don’t sound very proud.”

This has never not shut down the discussion. Because their manufactured-oppression arguments are laughably inane.

Pride month celebrates the LGBTQ+ community’s incremental victories over legal and physical oppression. It was literally illegal to be or even seem gay in America for centuries. We were hunted, arrested, evicted, disowned, beaten and murdered for just being ourselves. But as early as the 1950s we started fighting back, changing perceptions, changing minds, changing laws and taking control of our narrative.

The battle will clearly never end, but we as a still-in-many-ways-oppressed minority have created a robust Pride movement that’s celebrated across many different months in many different cities and countries around the globe. The straight majority can’t even achieve an hour-long Straight Pride celebration. They’d rather appropriate our oppression than acknowledge their own privilege. And we will always have the moral, logical, humane, loving high ground.

THIS IS WHY WE CALL IT PRIDE.

Pride 101: Blood donation bans

In 1983—at the height of the HIV and AIDS epidemic in the United States—the U.S. Food and Drug Administration instituted a lifetime ban on blood donations from gay men (specifically “men who have sex with men” or MSM, a distinction necessitated by a sizable population of MSM who refuse for any number of reasons to be identified as gay or bisexual).

The ban was actually even broader than that; it also included women who have sex with MSM and—irrelevantly in this specific context—transgender people. At the time, HIV was—and was perceived by the broader population to be exclusively—a “gay disease” and was gleefully used by religious hate groups to perpetuate their vilification of—and mock and exploit the deaths of—gay people. The ban was an extreme measure, but as 1980s technologies in HIV detection weren’t very effective it was seen as prudent—with no resistance from leading gay organizations—and it no doubt prevented an even larger American HIV epidemic.

As HIV spread beyond the gay-male population, the infection demographics leveled out and HIV-detection technologies advanced, in 2015 the FDA guidelines regarding blood donations from MSM were reduced from a lifetime ban to a one-year-of-celibacy requirement.

But these requirements served no purpose beyond discrimination; the Insti HIV test—which had been introduced nine years earlier and was considered to be the most accurate and convenient of all technologies, requiring just a small finger prick—had a 99.96% accuracy rate, with results provided in one minute. There was literally no medical or ethical reason to single out MSM for this ongoing ban.

Then in April 2020—as blood supplies dwindled to crisis levels at the dawn of the COVID-19 pandemic—the one-year celibacy requirement was reduced to three months.

Still, the institutionalized discrimination was not eliminated; a man who had protected sex with one other man in the previous three months was not allowed to give blood, but—for instance—a woman who had unprotected sex with multiple men in the previous week faced no such restriction. (For the record, the relatively small populations of people with certain medical conditions, people on certain medications and people who have had blood transfusions have always been subject to other restrictions and bans.)

With often desperately low stockpiles of donated blood in the United States and with advanced testing and medical knowledge, there was literally no reason at the time to keep specifically restricting blood donations from MSM based on outdated demographic medical information and stigmas regarding HIV.

But after decades of discrimination, medical progress, lobbying, and a slow dawning of equality and common sense, we’ve finally eliminated the MSM-only restrictions. In May 2023, the FDA overhauled its screening process for all donors by simply asking a series of preliminary questions about recent sexual activity, drug use and HIV exposure and imposing reasonable restrictions for everyone based on the responses.

After literally four decades, the march to erase unreasonable homophobic stigmas and embrace 21st Century medical knowledge finally achieved its goals, and MSM without legitimate risks are proudly—despite the humiliation and discrimination of the historic bans—stepping up and doing our part as blood donors.

THIS IS WHY WE CALL IT PRIDE.

Pride 101: LGBTQ+ survival

Cisgender heterosexuals—how many times have you:

• Gathered with other straight cisgender friends while people with bullhorns held giant signs and screamed at you that they hope you die of AIDS
• Gotten egged and insulted by people screaming out of a car as you waited in line to enter a straight bar
• Pretended to be someone you’re not out of fear that your mechanic or doctor or waiter or accountant or employer or family would do something bad to you, yell at you to leave or eject you from their lives
• Walked down the street holding hands with your spouse or partner and been accosted by a stranger calling you filthy and disgusting and declaring that he or she shouldn’t be “forced” to see your affection
• Been told that other people's manufactured discomfort about who your are is more important than you being authentically who you are
• Been silenced about even casually mentioning who you and your family are by a "don't say straight" law
• Watched your rights being used as a bargaining chip in national political machinations
• Had your inequality dismissed as a "social issue" and cemented into law by a public vote over a state propositionHad your inequality cemented into law by a public vote over a state proposition
• Watched people fight so hard to discriminate against you that they take their hatred all the way to the Supreme Court
• Joined a church that condemns you to hell
• Been consumed by your own white-hot hatred that you don’t want and you don’t need and you don’t deserve because the above hostilities constantly bombard you while you have almost no recourse

Probably every LGBTQ+ person you know has been called a faggot. Or worse. I have. More times than I can remember.

Probably every LGBTQ+ person you know has had something thrown at them with the intention to hurt or humiliate them. I have. It was a barrage of eggs thrown from a car as some friends and I stood on a sidewalk in Chicago's Boystown … where we'd assumed we were safe from such bullshit. The cowards who threw the eggs missed all of us and raced away cackling like they were big men who somehow mattered.

Many LGBTQ+ people you know have been physically, violently assaulted. I never have, but I have friends who've been assaulted so violently that they've been hospitalized.

It's 2024. The homophobic violence that our forebears endured may have lessened, but it hasn't stopped. And while straight cisgender people probably barely even think about what we endure, we all still get up, walk out the door every day, and live our lives as openly as we dare and as comfortably as we can.

THIS IS WHY WE CALL IT PRIDE.

Pride 101: Pride Month begins

Before the 1969 Stonewall riots, virtually every aspect of the lives of gay people was illegal to varying degrees in America: being openly gay, showing public affection, having sex, marriage, adoption, assembly in public, assembly in private, going to gay bars … even owning bars with any form of gay designation.

The only gay bars that existed were owned by crime syndicates, who definitely weren’t at the vanguard of fighting for gay liberation; they saw in the gay population a steady and highly dependent form of revenue that the mobs could protect via their considerable influence over law enforcement. Gay people were exploited for our desperate need to find each other and for the money we were willing to pay to feel like we weren’t alone. We paid exorbitant prices for watered-down, bottom-shelf liquor. We gathered in buildings that were unclean, unsafe and unimportant to society. We entered those bars carrying cash for bail with the clear expectation that we might need it.

The subtexts were shame, risk, secrecy, and arrest and public humiliation—and the very likely loss of our families, jobs and homes—if we were caught entering or exiting these bars.

But in the gathering momentum of our achievements in equality over the last half century, our forebears demanded—and slowly, surely got—our growing equality and our freedom to live our lives openly and safely and without imposed shame and exploitation.

THIS IS WHY WE CALL IT PRIDE.