CedaRound: Watch your mouth

Downtown Cedar Rapids was—and still is—a convergence of waterways and railroad tracks. Which—like with many towns—made—and continues to make—it a hub of commerce and manufacturing—along with irritating parentheticals set apart in dashes.

The biggest manufacturing plant in downtown Cedar Rapids today is Quaker Oats, which makes many different brands of cereal but thankfully makes no parenthetical commentary in Facebook posts. As such, the entire downtown area is awash almost daily in an effluvium of cereal smells, some general and some very specific. Today was one of those very specific days. I just drove through downtown Cedar Rapids on my way home from work and as I passed the Quaker Oats plant I was immediately transported to the world of watching Saturday-morning cartoons in my jammies, making a fort out of the couch cushions, and lacerating all the soft tissue in my mouth with spoonful after delicious spoonful of ... Crunch Berries.

Yup. My town smells like Crunch Berries on a regular basis. I hate to brag and yell and gloat, but MY TOWN SMELLS LIKE CRUNCH BERRIES ON A REGULAR BASIS. Your stupid town probably smells like poop or dirt or feet. And if you're having a bad day in Cedar Rapids—like that one time you had to park three whole car lengths away from the door to Hy-Vee—all you have to do is take a quick drive through downtown—with your windows up or down; the magic of Crunch Berries knows no barriers—and just take a few deep breaths. Your Crunch Berries therapy is fast-acting and refreshing and calming ... and FREE. No parentheticals required.