Heathrow redux

1. Is it possible for a bed to be TOO comfortable?
2. Because I slept in the softness of a mother-kitty hug last night
3. But BLERG am I exhausted
4. It could’ve been the pillows though
5. They were so plump they practically had me sleeping vertically
6. The hotel breakfast was good
7. I gorged myself because I didn’t eat dinner
8. Local customs and regional cuisines may come and go, but watery hotel scrambled eggs transcend all boundaries
8. I also managed to spill a lake of honey on my leg
9. My jeans were already into questionable-cleanliness territory
10. Now there’s no question
11. But there’s totally a dark, sticky stain
12. Not even copious amounts of water can make it go away
13. I might have to launder them in a different country
14. I’m also down to my emergency mask stash
15. The ones that smell like the soap didn’t quite get to them in the wash
16. I have one last N95 mask though
17. But I’m saving it for the plane
18. Where paper masks are required
19. The airports here frustratingly refuse to tell you where your gate is until 60 minutes before boarding
20. And they conveniently leave you waiting in the middle of a giant duty-free mall
21. No Balenciaga earrings for me, thank you
22. I’m not falling for your underhanded retail tricks, Heathrow
23. Oh, look: Armani wingtips!
24. Only £700!
25. I’ll take some in every color, please
26. And I’ll need this £900 HUGO suitcase to carry them on the plane, please
27. I’m clearly too big for London
28. I violently banged my elbows on both sides of the shower this morning when I reached up to shampoo my hair
29. I had to awkwardly tuck my knees under my ample bosom to fit in the seat on the airport shuttle
30. But my shampoo-laundered socks and underwear were dry this morning
31. Dry enough
32. I may complain about chafing later
33. If I can stay awake
34. Because my bed was too comfortable
35. I was kidding about wearing Balenciaga
36. I’m a total Fendi girl
37. Maybe Burberry
38. But only on days where I know I won’t run into anyone important
39. Like the middle of the Heathrow duty-free holding cell
40. Did I mention I’m tired?
41. And that I feel less than fresh?
42. I miss my kitties.
43. Oh look!
44. Gate A10
45. FINALLY
46. I’ll head there just as soon as I buy this Ferragamo scarf
47. KIDDING!
48. I’m Fendi all the way, baby
49. I’m also on my way to Gate A10
50. Just as soon as I point out that I accidentally made two 8’s